Make Room… For Life.
As I was growing up, I learned to walk and talk, I learned all the important and unimportant lessons at school, but I did not learn the emotional literacy. Other than “there’s no reason to cry”, “mind your temper” or “go to your room and come back when you’re settled”. Stepping in the self-development, I became aware of my emotional life, but also fell for naming everything and becoming an ever-present witness to my own life. Before I was able to fully feel anything, I would already name it, tag it, put it into a box, find a tool and process it.
As an observer
What I missed was living the emotion actually, and with living it – living a life. I’ve been more of an observer to my own life than its participant. Detachment, instead of being a useful tool, became my second nature. Except when the trigger was so intense, that I’d blow out (and feel ashamed and apologetic afterwards) – expecting or hoping that others would hear me, hold me, understand me. And that’s a lot to expect when you express your intensity within a culture that does not appreciate it and does not know what to do with it – other than push down. Thus my occasional outbursts became a self-fulfilling prophesy about the danger of emotional expression (beyond the culturally acceptable).
See how emotions dance
Nowadays, I am less and less into naming my emotions. Giving names, or labels, freezes the experience, puts it into a box and it is so easy to miss the expiry date.
Instead I want to experience more – life as it moves through me. Be curious like a child, playful and inquisitive, see how my emotions dance, how they swell and transform.
Beyond repressing and expressing your emotions, there is a field. I will meet you there (quote inspired by Rumi).
Aga Rzewuska-Paca